Time and Fear

I was sitting with a student recently and she said she was waiting until she got older, retirement age, to do many of the things she dreams of doing in life. 

“Why wait?” I asked as I sat back in my office chair. 

“Money, time…I don’t know. It just seems like everyone waits until they get older to do the things they want.” 

I paused for a moment before I responded, “Yes, I know many who have waited or say they will wait until the ‘right’ moment to do the things they dream of doing. They wait to travel, to experience life, thinking they will be free of burdens or pain and suffering. They wait until they think they will have money.” She and her friend were listening. I went on, “What happens if time runs out? What happens when there is no more time and none of us know when that will be, so why wait?” 

“That’s deep,” she said. 

I recently had a former student that I was on Facetime with. He was talking about how afraid he is with everything that is going on politically in the United States. He’s a young man, almost twenty-one years old, and has cerebral palsy. He’s confined to a wheelchair and is scared with all the rhetoric and threats towards the systems that help people with disabilities. People like him. 

“I’m afraid they might come and take me away someday. It seems like they don’t want anyone different from them existing. I’m scared.” 

“Why would you let any of these fools scare you?” I replied. “That is what they want. Don’t allow them that control over you. They want everyone to be afraid to speak out, afraid to function in daily life, afraid to have a disability, afraid to be different from them. Why on earth would anyone want to be like them? You’re better than them, with greater insight and compassion for the world. Don’t fear them.”

“But…they have so much time left they will do a lot of damage before they are done.”

“Yes, perhaps, and this might not make you feel any better, but we will all be damaged,” I said. He looked puzzled and then I continued, “What might bring this country back together is the damage that they do to us all, so ask yourself, ‘what’s within your control and what is not?’ The things that aren’t, let them go or you will stress out. Don’t give them the satisfaction.” 

Another conversation I had recently with a student was also around the subject of fear. It was with someone who watches way too much social media and lets influencers on Instagram scare them that if they don’t do all of the “steps” that they say, they will not live a long life. 

“I saw something that said you need to do these five things to live a long life,” said the student.

“Yeah, what about the sixth or seventh thing?” I asked. They laughed. I continued, “I am not saying there aren’t beneficial suggestions coming from these influencers but how many of them want to sell you their product? How many want you to sign up for their newsletter or buy their book out of fear. They act like they can guarantee you a long and healthy life if you follow them. Look at these doctors who make videos in their scrubs so they look more official. There’s one I saw that makes videos of himself washing his hands before surgery. I think if I were his patient, I’d rather have him focus on the task at hand, my surgery, than making videos to boost his ego. They are feeding you fear to make a profit.” 

“I’ll admit, those videos cause me a lot of anxiety.”

“That’s what they want. Your anxiety feeds their page and feeds their bellies.” 

Time and fear. We want more of one and less of the other, and meanwhile they both cause worry, taking us away from living a mindful life. It’s like a slow strangle. So many of us waste time or we wait for the “right” moment to do the things we want to. We fear death, which is why so many of these so-called health and longevity influencers have become popular. They are trying to sell you time, sell you health, and if you don’t do what they say, if you trip up on your diet or exercise, you’re doomed. I see some of them telling people not to do cardio, some not to eat greens, and others who say fruit is bad for you. There’s one doctor that tells people if you’re not doing a certain number of anaerobic exercises, increasing your Vo2 max, that you will die sooner. Many people don’t know what Vo2 max is, and the amount of time this guy prescribes for people to workout sets them up for failure. How about we just tell people to eat a lot of one ingredient foods and walk a lot. That would be a good, reasonable start. 

I would be careful about letting influencers tell you how to live your life. Influence yourself! I’d be careful about letting political leaders cause you fear. They are impermanent and will one day vanish. Sure, they will cause harm but take a look at the history books, we have always had leaders causing the citizens harm. They don’t serve the people, they serve themselves. The moment people put their own egos aside, because let’s face it, we all think our side is right, that will be the moment we all stand together and demand better from our leaders on both sides of the aisle. By the way, if you cannot find any fault in your political party, you have been manipulated. That might be something you should fear. 

Yes, time and fear always cause issues. I think most people are afraid of something they have no control over, something that haunts them and they try to avoid, and that’s death. Why be afraid of something that will happen to you? It will happen to us all. We all owe a death. The bigger question is how will you conduct yourself along the way to your death and how will you show up when that final test comes?