Suicide Awareness Month

Some phone calls hit you differently. They are the ones that don’t discriminate between day or night, sunny days or stormy ones. It’s the calls where the voice on the other end pauses after you say hello, where you can hear them swallow as they gather their thoughts before speaking. Then, as their voice shakes they tell you about loss. They tell you someone has died and now your world has changed forever. I have had these calls for all sorts of deaths, but I will say, when it is death from suicide, it is like a sledgehammer to the temple. It leaves you dazed, your breath stolen, and often paralyzed. 

I know death like this. I have had those calls that have told me someone I cared for deeply took their own life. It’s a helpless feeling, and for me turned into guilt followed by anger, and then a plethora of other emotions filtering through me all at once. 

Our society has many deaths by suicide, and yet, we struggle to talk about it. We become uncomfortable, silent, and are even told the conversation may “Trigger” someone. I struggle with that word, trigger. It has become an excuse to avoid hard topics that need to be discussed, and we must talk about suicide. We must do it for ourselves and do so for our children. 

I have written books where suicide is one of the main subjects, where the charcaters, the survivors, have to figure out how to heal and cope, continuing to live their lives and finding out more about themselves in the process, while connecting with a community for support. I have written about characters that have made attempts to take their life, and many essays regarding the subject. I have been the keynote speaker for mental health events, where I talk about suicide. My point is, there are many that will gently lean into the subject, and others that run for cover, protecting their naive ears, as if turning away will make it go away. I get it. Hard things are difficult to face, but is it helping? The statistics will tell us we have a crisis on our hands for our young people and suicide. Let’s become comfortable with discussing it. Our kids need us to.

I have also been on the brink of taking my life. I came close once, an attempt to end my existence, which is difficult to admit. I can find blame on the opiods the doctor gave me for pain, which is not something you do with a person who has a history of depression, especially leaving them unmonitored or fully understanding what the drug can do to them. The drugs certainly helped push me to the edge, but I also had to be mindful of the life I lived, where I have had the tasks of carrying trauma, depression, anxiety, and panic. Surviving and walking into the house from an exhaust filled garage woke me up further to the life I am living and the person who I want to become. It woke me up to my existence here on earth and my purpose. That morning, I said goodbye to my brother, mother, and wife. They did not know it, but I said my goodbye to them. When I snapped out of what was happening, love came to the forefront, and when the fog lifted, my purpose to continue bringing awareness to mental illness became more important. However, it is exhausting at times trying to carry that torch.

Losing yourself offers a space to find a new self. Use your pain and suffering to transcend. 

I have tried to continue the conversation and normalize talking about suicide, but I can tell that it makes people uncomfortable. The subjects of my books are hard for people to grasp, and many schools have declined author and mental health talks, and I am told they have to talk to their student services departments to see if it’s okay. It’s a mistake not to have open conversations about suicide. Our teenagers are more ready for it than adults, and they need it. They need to not feel alone, and not talking about it in a real way is harming them, not helping. We don’t need a curriculum or some canned “unit” to discuss mental health and suicide. We need real talk from people who have lived experience. 

We should never make someone who has suicidal ideation or has made an attempt, to feel guilty. Don’t say things like, “You have so much to live for,” or “People are going to miss you,” or “You are going to hurt the people that care about you.” Making people feel guilty for wanting to take their life who are already uncertain if they want to live anymore is absurd. This is why we need to normalize the conversation around suicide and then provide the coping strategies to be resilient. People need to know they are not alone and know how to seek help if needed. 

I am not an expert on suicide or a therapist, and certainly do not have all the answers or offer anything I say or write to replace the advice of a therapist. When students, or adults, come and see me about their mental health, I tell them that. I continue to tell them that I have lived experience and understand what it is like to have trauma, depression, anxiety, panic, and suicidal ideation. I also tell them that everyone’s experience is different and not to be judged, however, when you meet someone else who also struggles with their mental health or has been suicidal, I believe a common understanding happens quickly. I simply offer some experiences to relate, and strategies that I have used to build as much resilience as I can for when those hard days show up, and they will, so why not be as prepared as possible. 

During this month of September, Suicide Awareness Month, lets be aware of life and the pain that ourselves and others may be filling. Be awake to your emotional pain and seek understanding. Let's be mindful of the moments that make up our lives and try to understand ourselves and one another the best we can. Let’s accept the times that are difficult, where those instances push us to question our own existence, and with acceptance comes knowing ourselves better, which in turn allows us to develop what is needed to truly live the lives we want. 

You are not alone! 

Some things you can do if needing help:

• Call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: 988

• Go the the emergency room

• Find a trusted therapist

• Find people to connect with at school or in the community

• Tell someone you are not feeling safe

• Build your coping and resilience strategies

• Be honest with yourself about how you are feeling and seek understanding without judgment

For those of you that are looking for ways to support someone who is struggling with their mental health:

• Ask, “Are you thinking about hurting yourself?” This is hard but it is critical. 

• Keep them safe

• Encourage them to seek professional help

• Do not judge what they are going through

• Offer validation and encouragement for how they feel

• Follow-up with them and give them a safe space to talk

• Take care of yourself. It is difficult when you are helping someone who is struggling with their mental health and are having suicidal ideation. Be mindful that you are a support for them, but you can not magically make them better or cure them. This was hard for me with my best friend who took his life. I felt like I should have stopped him and it took me years to come to terms with the fact that I did everything I could for him. I was a good friend. Caring for yourself will allow you more space to care for the people you love. 

Again, none of this is to replace the advice of a mental health professional. I am simply an advocate who understands the struggles firsthand. Be well!